The Betty Pages

"Statistically speaking, I shouldn't be here"

The other day it occurred to me that my mom was about my age when she started her great migration indoors; I remember she had already started coming down with a case of the shutins by the time I was in highschool. I've known for sometime that this was a possibility for me, that if I wasn't careful I'd wake up one day to realize that my world had collapsed around me, shrunken to the size of just four walls. As the years have passed, I've watched my desire to be outside dwindle to almost nothing. I've found it slightly unnerving noticing how much I enjoy bip bopping around my house doing my little crafts, and have often thought to myself: don't get too comfortable now, or you'll never leave.
The other day it occurred to me that considering where I started, I've done very well for myself. Sometimes I get so caught up in being bigger, badder, and bolder than I was the day before, that I forget to stop and look at all that I've overcome and what I've built on top of it. Most people who've had experiences similar to mine, don't have the life that I do. At my age, my mom had a 15 year old, she had lived a hard life characterized by trauma, poverty, and disability with no end in sight.
Now that I have sat down for two seconds, I realize that I don't feel that way: like this is the end and my world has collapsed around me. I rather enjoy my solitude, I enjoy being at home in my space where the environment meets my accessibility needs. I can go outside whenever I want to, but I don't have to. I moved closer to the city so getting out would be easier and there are several things I enjoy doing that require me to be outside will people for stage time, craft supplies, and friendship. I think my mom came down with a case of the shutins as a result of operating above capacity for too long. To continue the thread from Fears + Limits No. 1, I think forcing myself to present more extraverted and able-bodied than I am may have inadvertently increased my risk of coming down with a life-ending case of the shutins.
I imagine you might be saying "23 days is crazy!" Rest assured, I will be leaving the house tomorrow, my license expired last week and unfortunately I will have to go to the DMV to take care of it, but afterward I'm going for coffee and I may even stop by the botanica if I'm not too tired. I've got two performances later this month, and four more on the books to round out the rest of the year. Come Christmas time, though, I'm gonna see if I can hit the 30 day mark.

- Your favorite Shutin,

BVP

"Statistically speaking, I shouldn't be here"

The other day it occurred to me that my mom was about my age when she started her great migration indoors; I remember she had already started coming down with a case of the shutins by the time I was in highschool. I've known for sometime that this was a possibility for me, that if I wasn't careful I'd wake up one day to realize that my world had collapsed around me, shrunken to the size of just four walls. As the years have passed, I've watched my desire to be outside dwindle to almost nothing. I've found it slightly unnerving noticing how much I enjoy bip bopping around my house doing my little crafts, and have often thought to myself: don't get too comfortable now, or you'll never leave.
The other day it occurred to me that considering where I started, I've done very well for myself. Sometimes I get so caught up in being bigger, badder, and bolder than I was the day before, that I forget to stop and look at all that I've overcome and what I've built on top of it. Most people who've had experiences similar to mine, don't have the life that I do. At my age, my mom had a 15 year old, she had lived a hard life characterized by trauma, poverty, and disability with no end in sight.
Now that I have sat down for two seconds, I realize that I don't feel that way: like this is the end and my world has collapsed around me. I rather enjoy my solitude, I enjoy being at home in my space where the environment meets my accessibility needs. I can go outside whenever I want to, but I don't have to. I moved closer to the city so getting out would be easier and there are several things I enjoy doing that require me to be outside will people for stage time, craft supplies, and friendship. I think my mom came down with a case of the shutins as a result of operating above capacity for too long. To continue the thread from Fears + Limits No. 1, I think forcing myself to present more extraverted and able-bodied than I am may have inadvertently increased my risk of coming down with a life-ending case of the shutins.
I imagine you might be saying "23 days is crazy!" Rest assured, I will be leaving the house tomorrow, my license expired last week and unfortunately I will have to go to the DMV to take care of it, but afterward I'm going for coffee and I may even stop by the botanica if I'm not too tired. I've got two performances later this month, and four more on the books to round out the rest of the year. Come Christmas time, though, I'm gonna see if I can hit the 30 day mark.

- Your favorite Shutin,

BVP

"It feels like I'm in a race against time, only the faster I run, the less time I get."

The above metaphor has been appearing in my personal writings for YEARS now. I exist in a constant state of time scarcity, or at least I did, feeling like I have to rush to accomplish all of my goals before disability shuts it/me down for good. But what if that isn't true? What if I have more time than I think? My therapist and I have been working on my unhealthy relationship with work + productivity for YEARS and the way we both chuckled when at my last session I said "I realized something, I think I work entirely too much." This brings a much broader question to the forefront: what if I can honor my nature AND achieve my goals?

What if I can

• be an introvert + a performer?
• be an introvert + have friends
• accomplish my goals without being "productive" 12-15 hours a day
• promote my work without a consistent social media presence